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But I took to sleeping naked. And (I hope the men here won't think badly of me), I began to part my soft, smooth thighs and reach down between my legs to achieve hust a little relief for my yoing, overheated body, gasping as I thought of a man taking me, owning me, posessing me totally. Just writing about it now is making my [censored] wet.I could also hear Daddy tossing and turning, having been deprived of the phytsical release that every real man needs! Yes, Mom had told me about the needs of men, and I understood that Daddy was suffering. All I ever wanted to do was make him happy. I wanted him to approve of me. There came a night when I slipped out of my own bed, naked, and gingerly tiptoed to his room. The door was open, I looked inside, and then I collapsed to the floor, sobbing and moaning. He was masturbating! No man should have to do that! That's why God put US here!He heard me and looked at me. "Oh, uh, I'm sorry, hon, I, I should've closed the door, and, um, you know,. The pilot said something that always stuck with me. “If I were to use a thousand words to describe being Japanese and each word had a thousand shades of meaning I still could not convey the depth of it’s meaning.” I’m paraphrasing. Give me a break it’s been over 40 years, but the 1000 word and 1000 shades of meaning part is correct and that’s the gist of the meaning.As I’ve reflected on it over the years I’ve realized that life itself has many shades of meaning. It’s more precise to say we apply many shades of meaning to life. We use words as one of our ways to describe life so by extension even a word that has only one or two literal definitions can have thousands of shades of meaning to the discerning mind. Failure is such a word.At first glance, it is such a simple word. It has so many subtleties and layers though when it’s experienced in life. It’s as if each one is a new and previously unheard of experience. Most of the world’s Wisdom literature advises against pursuing too much.
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